TELLING A CHILD HE/SHE IS ADOPTED

It is a good idea to tell a child that he or she is adopted from the very beginning in age appropriate ways. It is important for them to know that they are loved and cherished long before they "accidentally find out" from someone other than the parents that they were abandoned at birth. Often that may mean you tell them their adoption story long before they are able to comprehend what it really means.

Adoption is a beautiful choice for building a family, it is to be celebrated, and not hidden or apologized for. It helps to build a sense of community with other adoptive families so the child has their own network of friends whose families came to be in ways similar to their own. Since most adoptions from Pakistan are "closed" and there is no information on the birthparents in most cases, the children may feel a sense of loss or lack of identity as a result later in life. As adoptive parents we can help them work through those feelings by being patient, understanding, and loving as they deal with these issues.

Taking the children back to visit the orphanage/placement agency, sharing pictures and stories that say "how lucky we are to have you in our lives", all help to make a child more secure in their relationship with their adoptive parents, and less prone to an identity crisis due to the fact that they are adopted.

EXCERPT FROM PARENTS WHO HAVE ADOPTED

Zain is worth it! When he smiles, we forget about all our hardships. Zain is so special! I am not sure if you remember, my in-laws and for some extent my parents resisted the idea of adoption. They wanted us to continue with treatments etc. But now, they can't stay away from him. He has won every member of our family over. He has made us closer and stronger as a family. He is truly a blessing. Adoption is a beautiful thing ............................... Rashid & Shazia, 2006

Noor is the light of our eyes, and the joy of our lives! She has brought love and happiness of immeasurable proportions into our family. She has been the catalyst for bringing joy to not only our family, but of hundreds of others, by opening up the possibility of adoption for many families after they get to know us and hear about our wonderful adoption experience. My father said, "I did not know how to love, she taught me", everyone tells me, "she is the happiest child they have ever come across" and "how lucky we are to have a delightful child like her"! ............................... Sarah and Wally, 2004

When I first met our son, I had so many different thoughts and feeling running through my head. I was HAPPY beyond belief. I finally had my own baby to hold! but I also was saying in my head, "who is this baby?, I don't even know him, what he likes, how he wants to be held, why is he crying?, "I don't know how to care for him", "I have no Idea what I'm supposed to do!" My mother in law and sister in law were a big help!. What really helped was when I confided this to my sister in law, she told me "I felt the same way after I gave birth to my first baby!" So this was really reassuring to me!. You might fall in love at first sight but don't be surprised if it takes time to bond with your baby. that bond might start right from the first moment that you hold him and you feel like a mother, or it might take time, but boy I tell you, when that bonding happens, nothing can keep you apart! It gets stronger and stronger every day, the first time he looks in your eyes and you realize that you are his whole world! the first time his tiny hand wraps around your finger and won't let go! the first time he says "mama"! , the first time he runs into your arms!, the first time he says "I love you Mommy!" and on and on. So I think this is true for many mothers. To end, here is an adoption poem that I love, It says it all.

I didn't give you the gift of life
but in my heart I know
The love I feel is deep and real
As if it had been so.
For us to have each other
Is like a dream come true
No, I didn't give you
The gift of Life
Life gave me the gift of you. .......................... Anonymous

The adoption process had its difficult moments but my fears about not loving my child were quickly overcome as soon as I looked into Zane's big brown eyes. He is our entire world and we just wish we came to this decision earlier but we also know that everything has a time and place for it to happen and we were given the blessing of parenthood exactly when we were intended to ..................................... Anonymous